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Soft shoe shuffle at a Christmas bash

Lot of serious stuff about so here's a bit of a lighter look at the silly season (from today's Observer column).
Not Happy, Feet

WELL, ‘tis the season to be jolly and I’ve been forbidden to talk politics.
It’s hard, as the biggest pre-Christmas party ever winds down in the land of my forebears.
Copenhagen is not that far from Santa’s North Pole home and the climate there has been almost as icy, as the pollies pushed their wish lists: “All I want is a global warming rise of just two degrees, please Santa”.
But I promised Mrs Mikko, so my topics are limited. Christmas parties are a perennial favourite though, with columnists around the country dragging out a list of don’ts for surviving the work bash.
Helpful tips like, if you must make an ass of yourself by sitting on the photocopier, don’t press the enlarge or reduce button. (Come to think of it, either of those could work for or against you).
Anyway, we went to a Christmas do last night with Mrs Mikko giving me helpful tips on etiquette even before we left the house. Maybe I should explain that I normally work for myself, my office is the spare bedroom and my regular workmates, Gracie and Dylan, usually don’t interfere until the postman heads up our street. That’s when the boss chews them out for barking too loudly.
So shoes are normally the last things on my mind or my feet when I’m working, if you call this work. But the party is in Gladstone and I’m told to wear my good shoes, “and not those sandals you wore for that Observer photo”.
So I dig out the aging shoes that haven’t been worn since the last time it rained, probably around last Christmas when they got a good soaking. They still look almost new though.
But as we walk up the pathway and I knock on the hosts’ front door, Mrs Mikko looks down at my feet and exclaims in horror, “Your shoes are falling apart”.
I glance down to see a crumbling heel and a trail of black rubber bits, then the door opens before I can do anything.
Remember the old Carly Simon hit “You’re so Vain” where she sings, “You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht…” That is so not how I felt as the hostess leads us through into a (thankfully) outdoor entertaining area filled with people we don’t know and proceeds with introductions all round.
I quickly find an empty chair beside the business owner I also write for and try to make intelligent conversation - not easy when I’m fully aware of a growing pile of black rubber under the chair where I’ve got my feet tucked away.
Eventually he moves off to chat with other guests and I find myself sitting beside a Central Queensland icon in Trevor Laver, former fitness centre owner, coach and big brother of Tennis Grand Slam legend, Rocket Rod Laver, who now lives in San Diego.
“So when did you teach Rod to play tennis? “ I ask.
“Oh when he was just a little nipper.” This is all a good diversion from my feet so I keep the ball rolling and Trevor tells me some of the family’s interesting history. He nods and laughs when I say at least Rod has kept the rocket under control throughout his career unlike other tarnished sporting greats of late. (Maybe a leopard can't change his spots, but a Tiger can become a Cheetah).
Eventually it’s time to go, Mrs Mikko beats me out the door wanting to distance herself from the rubber trail on the glossy floor tiles, while I thank our hosts and follow her clean pair of heels.
By then, I am literally at least one cm shorter than when I arrived.
Sorry, don’t blame the puppy for the mess, she didn’t chew on anything.
Next time I’ll wear the joggers.

Tags: Carly, Cheetah, Laver, Rocket, Rod, Simon, Tiger, shoes

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Comment by John Mikkelsen on December 18, 2011 at 12:14pm: Geeze two years goes quickly. That party was hosted by the other weekly paper I still write for under a pen name (Armchair Racer). They are a good mob not like the other miserable rag whose Christmas invites were more like Silas Marner's before he met the Ghost of Christmas. Last year they shouted us to our movie theatre's gold room lounge and this year to a restaurant with three course meal and free drinks til I was dragged off by my Cate (Cathy, Mrs M) late in the evening. They always check my footwear when I arrive now :) Don't think I'll ever live that down.

Comment by Cate Stuart on December 18, 2011 at 11:10am: Mikko, this may have been written 2 years ago, but this is still as funny now, as the first time when i read it - so mate, you have had another Xmas season ie 2010 - so what happened, did you wear your joggers or the shoes - and what about this year> Good greif man - this is great significance here - its a mini series! lol

Cheers Cate :)

Comment by John Mikkelsen on December 26, 2009 at 1:06pm: Charlie's copped some flak here on The Punch
Case says: 01:24pm | 25/12/09
No CHARLIE - you succeeded! Anone who refers to a (Blue) “Healer” (sic) must be a dead-set Metro latte type. Your cover’s so blown!
Cheeky.

Comment by John Mikkelsen on December 24, 2009 at 8:24pm: Cate, sit on your hands and just let it load after you click on the link. Works fine at this end but does take a couple of minutes before it miracously appears. Trust me .... If it still won't work I'll send it direct.

Comment by John Mikkelsen on December 24, 2009 at 5:56pm: Are you pulling my leg?? you should get a winter sleigh ride with a Mikko message and some pics of some of my favourite Mikkos

Comment by John Mikkelsen on December 24, 2009 at 4:05pm: That's my Christmas message below where it says see if this works (the link takes a while to load up)

Comment by John Mikkelsen on December 24, 2009 at 6:39am: Another miracle, it did so another Christmas miracle of sorts ....

Comment by John Mikkelsen on December 24, 2009 at 6:35am: See if this works

Comment by John Mikkelsen on December 23, 2009 at 9:04pm: Got the first batch of grandkids here and one of them asked about the legendary true story of how Grandad almost caught a moray eel using his big toe for bait. Still got the fang marks to prove it, too. He must have been reading my Agmates blog, pretty good for a four year old.

Comment by John Mikkelsen on December 23, 2009 at 8:37pm: Haven't noticed anything else dropping off so it's all good. By the way I told Pete they gave me a couple of movie passes at that do hosted by a small independent rag I also write for so we went and saw Avatar which I can highly recommend to anyone who is into SF, adventure, romance, fantasy, beauty - almost made me want to hug a tree or a 3m tall alien. LOL as you girls say.

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