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Permalink Reply by Jan Courtney on July 26, 2012 at 4:25pm

Speaking of fridge doors - 

This is why men should not take phone messages!

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Permalink Reply by Merv Nash on July 26, 2012 at 4:40pm

A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh , I forgot to tell you , today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."

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Permalink Reply by Max Dench on July 26, 2012 at 4:57pm

Husband
took the wife to a disco
on the weekend.

There was a guy on the
dance floor
giving it large - breakdancing, moonwalking, back flips, the
works.

The wife turned to husband and said:
"See that
guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him
down."

Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!

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Permalink Reply by Merv Nash on July 26, 2012 at 5:42pm

A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.

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Permalink Reply by Jan Courtney on July 27, 2012 at 2:02pm

Ooooh Bev -  you are awful -  but I like you  (shades of Dick Emery)

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Permalink Reply by Jan Courtney on July 27, 2012 at 2:04pm

 

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.

 

She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers, and talk with them.

 

She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.

 

Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked, "And do you men know Jesus Christ?"

 

They shook their heads and looked at each other very confused.

 

One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"

 

One of the steelworkers yelled down, "Why?"

 

The worker yelled back, "'Cause his Wife's here with his lunch."

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Permalink Reply by Jan Courtney on July 27, 2012 at 4:01pm

I liked yours better the way it IS Bev.  !!!

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Permalink Reply by Dr Caroline Wright on July 27, 2012 at 9:22pm

I was wondering what eat me had to do with Dick Van Dyke??!!

Kind regards

Caroline

Beverley Prescott said:

Looks like I left a mistake in my last naughty post above (last line somehow slipped in down the bottom - should only have been at the top).

Love that joke of yours, Jan!!!!!

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Permalink Reply by Jeff Hutcho on August 4, 2012 at 4:43pm

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED 
AT NIGHT.  SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM: 

'I've got problems.   Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody 
under it.  I'm scared.  I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk 
to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those 
fears..'

'How much do you charge?'

'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.

'I'll sleep on it,' I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to 
see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot 
of money!  A bartender cured me for $10.  I was so happy to have saved all 
that money that I went and bought myself a new car!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did 
a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there 
now!!!'  
 
 
FORGET THE SHRINKS.. 

HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO A BARTENDER!

---------------------------------------------------------------
And people wonder why Bartenders are ‘man’s best friend’!
Cheers, and enjoy your day...

 

 

 

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Permalink Reply by Dr Caroline Wright on August 4, 2012 at 5:03pm

Thanks for the laugh today Jeff. I saw a joke on the net which showed how photographs can be enhanced so as to not show any flaws. There were many before and after shots of women which very adequately demonstrated this fact.

The there is a photograph of a Gorilla on a before shot and then after digital enhancement up popped a photo of Julia Gillard. Made me laugh so much I had to go the bathroom.

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Permalink Reply by Jeff Hutcho on August 4, 2012 at 5:58pm

Hi Dr Caroline,

This may give you another return trip.

-

Before Obama was elected President he went to see Bill and Hillary for some campaign advice, at their spacious home.

 

After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.

 

When he entered Clinton's private toilet, he was astonished to see that Clinton had a solid gold urinal! Wow!

 

That afternoon, Obama told his wife, Michelle, about the urinal. "Just think,' he said, 'when I am President, I too could have a gold urinal. But I wouldn't have something so self-indulgent!"

 

Later, when Michelle had lunch with Hillary, she told Hillary how impressed Obama had been at his discovery of the fact that, in his private bathroom, Bill had a gold urinal.

 

That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled and said to Bill:

 

"I found out who pi$$ed in your saxophone."

 

 

 

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Permalink Reply by Dr Caroline Wright on August 4, 2012 at 6:08pm

You are another of those Smart Alec's Jeff's Just like Bob and Alan. You must be friends with them and probably subscribe to the Men's Shed and Secret Men's Business as well (so do not eat any scones OK). I did wash my hands before I sent my response to you in case you are interested!!

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