Just Grounds Community

For Like minded people who like to see-

JOKES, FUNNY PICS & VIDEOS PAGE.

Alan Mikkos discussion is now getting flodded with gags. That's great and I dont want to undermine his fantastic page that lets us all get some comic relief from the everyday bad news of dealing with everything from Krudd to the floods in QLD.

Firstly, I would like Alans permission to set up this piece as opposed to his baby.

If its OK with Alan, then lets have some (more) fun. If Al thinks I'm imposing on his turf, I'm OK with that too. What do you think Alan and mate I wont be offended if you would like all gags to continue to be put upon your discussion. I will be very happy to do so myself.

Cheers,

Bren.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Merv Nash on June 25, 2012 at 8:51pm

You can't win Al.

Either you too exposed or not enough.

You better do a couple more shots on in your budgie smugglers and one in a Burka. That's if they make them for men.

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Permalink Reply by Stephen Cox on June 25, 2012 at 9:47pm

Ebony Jackson said:

Naaaa...you are all sooo wrong.

When you live long enough you end up gay or lesbian, and there is a possibilty you can go either way?

That is transexual to the slow learners.

But

When you get really old

Sex does not matter anymore - you look like a road map and are totally not able to do it, cos it hurts when your metal/plastic/other/ unspecific/ biodegradable hips and knees go into spasm.

And your mind is a blank page!

so forget it guys...tragic huh?

I thought we called that Alzheimers Ebony

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Permalink Reply by Merv Nash on June 25, 2012 at 10:54pm

Don't worry about Ebony he's just a stirrer. Have a laugh and move on.

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Permalink Reply by Merv Nash on June 25, 2012 at 11:23pm

Opps, Sorry Ebony I stand corrected. I hope you are a real "she" and not halfway like the ones you mention in your past.

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Permalink Reply by Jan Courtney on June 26, 2012 at 5:50am

Merv and Al - this should make you feel better .

Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to
feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Bill didn't show up.

Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.

But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried.

However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park,
Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and - lo and behold! - there sat Bill!

Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?'

Bill replied, 'I've been in jail.'

'Jail?' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?'

'Well,' Bill said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometime go?'   'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?'

'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'...

'So the bloody judge gave me 30 days for perjury!'

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Permalink Reply by Jan Courtney on June 26, 2012 at 11:33am

Students at a local school were assigned to read two books, 'Titanic' & 'My Life' by Bill Clinton

One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.

Titanic: cost - $29.99
Clinton : cost - $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton : Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton : The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton : Bill is a b******* artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton : Ditto for Bill.

Titanic: During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton : Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton : Let's not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewellery
Clinton : Monica is forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton : Clinton remembers Monica for the rest of his life.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton : Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton : Bill goes home to Hilary - basically the same thing.

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Permalink Reply by Merv Nash on June 26, 2012 at 1:58pm

Denise Scanlan said:

Merv, are you exaggerating? Five minutes?

Merv Nash said:

When you live long enough you have more sense than to orient your entire life and attitude around sex and it's deviations. All are guaranteed recipes for relationship failure. As time goes by you will discover that decent company and conversation has more value than five minutes self-indulgence. Don't worry if this comment seems unreal. Your time will come when you will discover this all by yourself. Hahaha.

Depends on your clock

Whether it is a Micky Mouse or a grandfather

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Permalink Reply by Jan Courtney on June 26, 2012 at 4:21pm

Hey Ebony !!!!!!!

So what's your excuse?

Mine is that I don't have any pink panties.

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Permalink Reply by Jan Courtney on June 26, 2012 at 5:46pm

Caroline, just showing Ebony that age is what you make of it.

BTW I can touch my toes with difficulty and a lot of puffing, but I can.

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Permalink Reply by Dennis "DARBY" Brierley on June 26, 2012 at 7:23pm

i can touch my toes and i'm 6 foot sevin inches tall.

but i have to be sitting down with a bend in the knee first

hahahaha

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Permalink Reply by Jan Courtney on June 27, 2012 at 10:58am

Dear Jan

But how tall are you????

My kind regards

Caroline

Abiout 5'3" in the old measurements Caroline. And I must admit I do have to stand a bit astride in order not to bend the knees.

GRANNIES RULE !!!!!!!!!!!

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Permalink Reply by Jan Courtney on June 27, 2012 at 11:39am

Husband Down

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Woolworths
The husband picks up a case of Fosters beer and puts it in their trolley.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $20 for 24 cans he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $40 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Fosters and it's half the price.'
He never knew what hit him.