For Like minded people who like to see-
Alan Mikkos discussion is now getting flodded with gags. That's great and I dont want to undermine his fantastic page that lets us all get some comic relief from the everyday bad news of dealing with everything from Krudd to the floods in QLD.
Firstly, I would like Alans permission to set up this piece as opposed to his baby.
If its OK with Alan, then lets have some (more) fun. If Al thinks I'm imposing on his turf, I'm OK with that too. What do you think Alan and mate I wont be offended if you would like all gags to continue to be put upon your discussion. I will be very happy to do so myself.
Hello to all, This lady was told that if she bathed in milk her skin would be lovely and soft, hers was feeling wrinkled and old, and so she left a note out for the milkman that night, and had written on a piece of paper that she would like a 100 bottles of milk please and tuck it into the side of the milk bottle. The milkman came in the next morning read the note, look at it and shook his head, thought too many o’s on the end, can’t be right, thought he better ring on the door bell to make sure. And so the lady came to the door, and he said, do you need only 1 bottle, she said no I do need 100, he said what for lady, she said I would love to have a milk bath to soften my skin, he said mm, well do you need it to be pasteurized, she said no just up to my chin.
You had to be there, we all just laughed, his a great priest. It’s a real pleasure going to church with father Terry being there.
Had a chuckle over that one
Dale Stiller said:
WET T-SHIRT CONTEST
Hello to everyone this was an email sent to me
Grandma & Grandpa
Grandma and Grandpa were visiting
Their kids overnight.
When Grandpa found a bottle of Vi gra in
His son's medicine cabinet, he asked
About using one of the pills.
The son said, "I don't think you should
Take one Dad; they're very strong
And very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa.
"$10. A pill," Answered the son.
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to
Try one, and before we leave in the
Morning, I'll put the money
Under the pillow."
Later the next morning, the son found
$110 under the pillow. He called
Grandpa and said, "I told
You each pill was
$10, not $110.
"I know," said Grandpa. "The
Hundred is from
I've got some clientele just like that Little Old Lady (LOL)
I hope you don't mind Rob but I've copied it to FB as I thought people could use a bit of humor for the week.
Brilliant Rob, enjoyed reading this all the way through made my Saturday night.
New Roman"">Grabs her purse and
2 Mexicans .............. wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden...
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet."
"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".
So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".
"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don' forget".
"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell of bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".
And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
"Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"
"Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"
"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree....
Ees...... . . . . . . .
Ees..... Ees, a Ham Bush"
A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Australia. Panic stricken, the local police inspector mobilised and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.
The inspector and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted a farmer ploughing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor. "John " the inspector yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen"?
"Yep. Sure did", the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine. "Do you realise that is the Prime Ministers RAAF 737, the aeroplane of the Prime Minister of Australia"?
"Yep." The farmer replied. "Were there any survivors"? "Nope. They's all got killed straight out", the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning". "Gillard is dead"? the inspector asked.
"Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor. "She kept saying she wasn't... But you know what a liar she is ...".
Some of you may have heard this apparently true story about the soldier playing cards in Church:
During the North African Campaign, a bunch of soldier boys had been on a long hike.
They arrived in a little town called Casino.
The next morning being Sunday, several of the boys went to church.
A sergeant commanded the boys in church.
After the Chaplain read the prayer, the text was taken up next.
Those of the boys that had a prayer book took them out.
One boy had only a deck of cards, and he spread them out.
The sergeant saw the cards and said, "Soldier, put away those cards."
After the service was over, the soldier was taken prisoner and brought before the Provost Marshall.
The Marshall said, "Sergeant, why have you brought this man here?"
"For playing cards in church, Sir," was the response.
The Marshall asked the soldier, "And what have you to say for yourself, son?"
"Much, Sir," replied the soldier.
The Marshall stated, "I hope so, for if not I will punish you more than any man was ever punished."
The soldier said, "Sir, I have been on the march for about six months.
I have neither bible nor a prayer book, but I hope to satisfy you, sir, with the purity of my intentions."
And with that, the boy started his story ...
"You see, sir, when I look at the Ace, it reminds me that there is but one God.
And the deuce reminds me that the bible is divided into two parts: the Old and the New Testaments.
When I see the trey, I think of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
And when I see the four, I think of the four evangelists who preached the Gospel: there was Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
And when I see the five, it reminds me of the five wise virgins who trimmed their lamps;
there were ten of them: five were wise and were saved, five were foolish and were shut out.
When I see the six, it reminds me that in six days God made this heaven and earth.
And when I see the seven, it reminds me that on the seventh day, God rested from his great work.
And when I see the eight, I think of the eight righteous persons that
God saved when he destroyed the earth: there was Noah, his wife, their sons and their wives.
And when I see the nine, I think of the lepers our saviour cleansed, and that nine of the ten didn't even thank him.
When I see the ten, I think of the ten commandments that God handed down to Moses on a tablet of stone.
When I see the King, it reminds me that there is but one King of Heaven, God Almighty.
And when I see the Queen, I think of the blessed Virgin Mary who is the Queen of Heaven.
And the Jack or Knave is the Devil.
When I count the number of spots in a deck of cards, I find 365, the number of days in a year.
There are 52 cards, the number of weeks in a year.
There are four suits, the number of weeks in a month.
There are twelve picture cards, the number of months in a year.
There are thirteen tricks, the number of weeks in a quarter.
So you see, Sir, my deck of cards serves me as a bible, an almanac and a prayer book."
"And friends, this is a true story. I know, I was that soldier."
Isn't it funny that when we guys find Miss Right, we soon find out that her first name is "Always".